No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
