i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
