My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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