Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
