he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
sarcasm needs its own font
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
