maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
