I wish life had little blips of pornography
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Vodka?
Forever.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
