"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
