why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
