Where is the hickey?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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