the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
