dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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