It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
