I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
