I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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