The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
