from now on my penis is your penis
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
