It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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