Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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