he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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