I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My vagina just clenched in fear
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
