I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
