and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
