My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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