Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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