It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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