we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
