WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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