Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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