I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
