so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
