well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
