oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
