my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
