Whod you bang
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
