I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
