so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
