sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
