I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
