I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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