can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
