She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
