He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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