You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
