We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
