a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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