WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
