There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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