he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
