He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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