sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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