I think I died a long time ago.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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