the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
