great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
