That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
