everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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