So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
