just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
