Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
