Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
