i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
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