OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
