I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
