so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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