he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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