Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
