I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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