the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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