My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
