i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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