I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
