Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
