She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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