somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
