Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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