Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
