Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
