I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
