you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
